I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve also struggled with fear. Little did I know that some of my greatest fears would become reality.
For several years, I’ve experienced slowly progressing weakness on the right side of my body. Earlier this year, my husband and I decided to seek out answers. About 2 months ago, after several MRI’s, I was told that I had a large brain tumor at the top of my spinal cord, right below my brain stem. I asked “Why me, God? I’m only 24 and I just got married. Why are you doing this?”
3 weeks later, I underwent a risky surgery in which the neurosurgeon told me that there was a 50% chance of paralysis, a 50% chance I would need assistance breathing with a trache, and a 50% chance I would need help eating through a feeding tube. This was told to me 12 hours prior to surgery. The alternative was to not have the surgery and the tumor would eventually take away my ability to breathe and swallow due to its location.
I woke up from surgery with the ability to move my legs and arms, was breathing on my own, and was able to eat solid food all within 18 hours of surgery. The tumor that I have, whilst unable to be completely taken out, accounts for .3% of all CNS tumors, is extremely slow-growing and is considered benign. From the time they rolled me into surgery to right now, as I sit here writing this, I have never been more at peace in my life.
God has turned my fear into a testimony of His perfect love and all-encompassing grace. He is perfect and His plan is good. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I will have to undergo radiation to try to eliminate the rest of the tumor, but I remain confident that God’s plan is greater than what we can dream for ourselves.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” -John 14:27